Saturday, December 4, 2010

Cruz Thayer Sowards

Dear Cruz,

This blog post is about 5 months past due. Not very good repayment for a baby boy who treated his mommy well during the 9 months she housed you.

You tricked me in the beginning. I thought you were going to be a girl. I felt so different than I did with your two older brothers. But Daddy knew all along that we'd be opening up our stored boxes of blue. I went to the ultrasound with visions of pink and an eagerness to shoot Daddy the "I told you so" look. Instead I left with the peaceful excitement of bringing another boy into the world. A boy that we would teach to be a man. Another missionary to prepare. I was wrong about you being a girl. But it was so right.

A few days later I received a disturbing call. Your ultrasound showed a worrisome cyst on your brain. "No need to worry just yet.", they said. "It could be Trisomy 18 or it could be nothing. These things come and go during pregnancies. We just want to rule out the worst case scenario." I feared the worst and missed you already. We had to talk with a genetic counselor before seeing you again and she happened to have an opening the very next day. We were so greatful and relieved to see that the cyst had already dissipated and we were in the clear. The ultrasound showed that you were going to have all your fingers, toes, organs, and....even hair.

I always feel vibrant and healthy during my pregnancies but even more so with you. We were a good team. I felt light on my feet. Sometimes I would even forget that I was pregnant. I never even got the pregnancy waddle swagger that I did with the others.

Your due date was June 22nd. I thought you'd decide to make your appearance later rather than earlier. But you surprised us by coming exactly on your due date! The night before we went to the Santa Cruz Beach Boardwalk. Less than 6 hours later I was up walking the floor and timing contractions.

Daddy rushed us to the hospital.... 45 minutes away.... and we literally barely made it. I don't know how we did it. If it took us any longer, if the traffic had been any thicker, if I had stayed in the truck while daddy parked it then you're name would have HAD to have been "Ford" because that's where you would have been born.

You took your first breath just over 3 hours after my labor had begun; 6 minutes after arriving at the hospital; 3 minutes after Daddy made it up to the 5th floor. I was officially admitted to the hospital while holding you tenderly close to keep you warm. It was all so shockingly easy that it didn't even seem real.

We are so glad you're here. We are so glad you're healthy. You've taken up ownership of a piece of all of our hearts and our family wouldn't be complete without you. I'm sure there is a lot you could teach us if you could talk. I wonder if the veil is thin for you. Right now you are our little piece of heaven and it is our responsibility to make sure you get back there someday. That we all do. Together.

So this is your story. Minus a lot of details of course but we can fill those in later. Welcome to the family baby Cruz.

I love you,



Stefani said...

Welcome Cruz! I know I've welcomed him a lot before, but I am glad to do it anytime! Cute little guy!

Annette said...

Sooooo sweet! Just like your little boy. Can you imagine a letter like this to yourself? He will cherish this someday! (I love the part about you naming him Ford...I've never heard you say that, haha) Just so he knows, he's taken ownership of a piece of my heart too! Love that sweet soft smiley baby boy! Oh, and I wanted to tell you the baptism was wonderful yesterday. Give your big baby boy a hug for me too. He looked so handsome :) And tell your Father-in-Law I was so excited when I saw that he was speaking. I love that object lesson!

BrookeandSpence said...

Yeah! Cruz finally has his post. Adorable pictures! And what a sweet note to him, so well written. I miss this little guy already, I can't believe I have to wait six more months to see him :( Love you guys, so happy the baptism went well.

Caroline said...

You have such a gift when it comes to speaking/writing. Your sweet little baby is going to treasure this post someday. What a fortunate baby boy he is to be in your family! Luv ya!